mother thoughts

I watched as my daughter's defeated posture entered her apartment door. I drove away pondering her challenges and my inability to meet her needs. A long sigh carried a whisper from a divine friend; "you did all that you could," but with that comforting whisper also came a heightened awareness that my best efforts at mothering were not enough.

Later in the day, the tears of my troubled teen told me that the opportunity I had prayed would bring much needed comfort turned out to be - uncomfortable. Again I was reminded that my best efforts at mothering are no longer enough.

I was pleased to correspond with my missionary and read that she had a wonderful birthday, which had nothing to do with the package I had painstakingly prepared. Additional evidence that my children's happiness is not about me.

I listened as my adult son shared the frustration he is experiencing with his senior project, and once more came the whispered reality that my children need more than I can give.

September 2004

I can no longer soften the blows of life with a cuddle and a cookie. There are times I look into my children's eyes and see their plea for my help. Other times I see a spark of resentment flair when I can't help, but we both wish I could.

The pondering of my day has left me with two questions.




First: What makes me happy? My own happiness has become so dependent upon the happiness of my children that my changing role has me questioning how I can find personal joy.

Second: Have I adequately taught my children, through example, that happiness is a choice? Do they understand that each choice that draws them closer to the Savior will bring increased joy?

February 2015

My day was punctuated with a grateful thought . . . I was part of each of my children's lives today. I was not perfect, but I was present, and maybe through the Savior Jesus Christ, that is enough.