acceptance and gratitude (dueling depression #1)

Soon after our move from Virginia to California I found myself struggling emotionally and physically. I decided to visit a doctor for a long overdue physical. As part of the exam the physician asked me a series of questions regarding stress. At that time my stress level was off the chart and he suggested that I consider taking some medication for depression. I am not adverse to taking medication but at the time I opted to search for other means to deal with my feelings. It's been 15 years since that visit with my doctor and my stress level has yet to decrease. The stressors change but the level of stress is constant and I find myself battling negative feelings every day.  Over the years I have learned a few things about myself and have pinpointed the wellsprings of my depression. In the next several posts I would like to share what I have learned.

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I know too many people whose life is consumed by should.  Constantly angry because those around them do not behave the way they should.  It's easy to see the darkness in their life and the pain in the lives of those around them who can never measure up.  Anger is fueled by pride and it becomes more important to be right then it does to let go and be happy.  I have looked at "those people" and said, I never want to be like that, then comes the painful realization . . . I am like that, or at least I can be.

Life is unfair and people don't always behave the way they should. When I focus on injustice I permit anger to become consuming and soon all I see is darkness. I have learned that I have to let go of what I think should be and just love what is. It's not easy and it's a daily battle, but I know that for me happiness comes through acceptance and gratitude.

"the strugle ends when gratitude begins."  -- Neal Donald Walsh